VICTOR: BLAIR H.
DEFEATED: DAVID ‘FROG’ SORENSON.
It turns out, there’s no return policy at those shops. So I didn’t have any points left to buy anything useful. Like a fucking gun.
Meanwhile, the chick is armed with a rifle and a horse and a grenade launcher. And the arena’s changed again into these concentric floating ring things.
Dodging propelled grenades fucking sucks. I saw the plume of smoke and the egg-shaped thing soaring in the air at me. Shit, can’t keep watching the thing, have to run out of blast range. The shock wave threw me off my tail and sharp bits of rock peppered my back. I had to pull some freaky snake maneuvers just to keep from getting blown over the edge of the ring.
Unless she’d been smart enough to buy more grenades, that meant two more were left. We were at opposite ends of the largest ring, with the shortest route being right through the middle. I shifted to legs and jumped to the middle ring while she was reloading. Then back to the tail for the extra speed so I could dive for cover behind a random concrete block. Legs again and jumping to the middle and tail again.
The third one hit too close; the shock wave threw me over the edge. I just barely managed to grab hold, claws digging groves into the stone. Thank the Mother for my new strength and claws. Old scrawney, nerdy me would have fallen over the edge just like that sword girl. Heh. That look of surprise she had before I walked away sure was priceless.
I pulled myself back onto the middle ring and heard a “Hee-ya!” Shit, she was on the move. Then I heard a snap and the rocks near me jumped up and bit into my face. As if this wasn’t hard enough, now she was firing at me while riding around on that stupid horse. I couldn’t see the bullets like I could the grenades. Now I just had to zig-zag after her and hope for the best.
I shifted to legs again to jump for the second circle and right in mid-leap she fired. The bullet caught my thigh, tearing through the muscle. I tried to shift to my tail, but the pain made me drop to my knees. She fired again, this time just grazing my bicep. Legs it would have to be, then. This meant that I would be slower than I liked and I wouldn’t be able to just strangle her like I did the motorcycle guy. Damn, doesn’t life just suck sometimes?
Finally I got close enough to jump for her. The horse spooked, rearing up and aiming what looked like razor-sharp hooves at me. Seriously, what kind of fucked up horse was this? I dodged and grabbed for the chick before she could bring her rifle around.
Instead, she grabbed the knife. Smart, that, but I was already all up in her business, digging my claws into her ribcage so I could feast on her heart like I did so many times before. Except I forgot that all those times I had Tis helping hold them down. No Tis this time, so there was nothing keeping her from driving that knife into my throat. I staggered back…. falling off the edge of the ring and onto the next one.
I’m choking on my own blood. My vision’s going gray and I don’t know if I’ll drown or bleed out first. Hopefully I got her bad enough first that she’ll die before I do. A win’s a win.
A NOTE FROM THE RED JOKER:
BOTH COMPETITORS HAVE LAPSED INTO A COMATOSE STATE, AFTER REMAINING CONSCIOUS LONG ENOUGH TO UPDATE THEIR BLOGS.
THE ONE WHO DIES LAST WILL BE PROCLAIMED THE VICTOR. HEARTS ARE STANDING BY FOR EMERGENCY MEDICAL ASSISTANCE.
So let me explain my line of thinking here. The food is free, I don’t have to watch my back when I sleep, and the game is postponed until the Game Master dude takes care of whatever he needs to take care of.
Meanwhile I’ve got these points built up from when it was still a free-for-all, and pretty much I’m buying whatever the hell I want to get ready for the fight ahead. I’m thirty points shy of a grenade launcher, but I have enough for about ten or so grenades.
Then it hits me. I know where to find a grenade launcher! So I head down to the stables where that stupid horse is because I’m hoping she’s dumb enough to hide it in the same spot.
Yeah, she’s dumb enough, all right. Dumb like a fox. She’s decided to sleep in the stables with the mangy horse. I wandered in and tried to cover for myself by saying I wanted to pet the thing ’cause I’d never seen a horse before. We both knew I was lying, but I reached out to pet the thing anyway.
Then it bit me. It’s a demon horse, is what it is. Horses aren’t supposed to have pointy teeth like that. He bit through my hand and nearly took my pinky off. I just finished regrowing this hand, dammit!
Stupid fucking horse.
Whoo! I think today has been the most fun I’ve had since Tis died! It was me and the little Asian chick today on those platform dealies. We started on opposite sides, the ground floating and weaving and making me a little queasy.
The whistle was blown, so to speak. I mean, there’s not really been a whistle, it’s just kind of when everyone shows up, we just *know* when to start.
The great thing about this tail is that it doesn’t have to be a tail. Yeah, I rock the tail most of the time because it’s great for getting around, but it doesn’t really lend itself to jumping. That’s where the legs come in. Tail- I’m across the platform in a heartbeat! Legs- I’m jumping to the next one! Tail- wham! Legs- blam!
Meanwhile, the little Japanime girl is having trouble making the jumps. I thought for sure she would fly through the air with some ridiculous kung-fu skills or something. I thought this thing was in the bag. Then she whipped out her knives.
Not cool, lady. I only like knives when I’m on the non-pointy end! It’s difficult to dodge when you’re mid-jump. She nicked me a couple of times, so I was kinda bleeding already when I caught up with her.
Then the fucking sword. She just waved that thing at me and there were grooves in the ground and gravel flying in my eyes and oh god, that was my hand flying off into the empty space below us. Bitch cut my hand off! BITCH CUT MY HAND OFF!
I backed off, trying to regroup, but she came after me. Shifting on the move is a bitch, but I ducked one of her swings and launched off into space….
Landed, rolled, jumped again. And again. Clutching my hand to my chest. Son of a bitch.
The fourth or fifth jump I didn’t feel the sword cutting the air behind me. I turned back and there was nothing. I didn’t see her anywhere. I finally caught sight of the pale fingers desperately clutching the edge of the platform. Hah! Take that, tiny normal human legs!
I jumped back to the other platform and peered over the edge. Her eyes were wild and frantic. So awesome. She waved the sword and half the platform went tumbling off into space.
“Drop the sword.” I crouched down and stared at her, unblinking. Handy bit of snake-indimidation, that. She scowled at me, but when her fingers started to slip, she sure dropped that sword lickety-split and reached the hand holding it up to me.
I grinned at her. “Did you really think I was serious?” She let out a scream of rage and went for her knives, but I stepped out of range and waited for the little white fingers to lose their grip. Her dwindling screams were like the best music I’d ever heard.
Hearts are fixing up the hand now. It’s growing out of the stump, so I’ve got a little tiny baby hand on the end of my arm. It should be done growing tomorrow, which is probably when I’m going to face off against the other girl.
The Sk-Ipod dissing Lady Gaga was really the last straw. I threw it on the ground like it was in that Lonely Island song and stomped until it was nothing but smashed circuits and shattered glass.
Eh, I need to upgrade my phone anyway. I know this is some crazy-freaky world when I can get the newest iPhone before it’s even been announced. Sweet.
I have got no service in the club, you see~ see~
Really? Lady Gaga? Are you serious?
Gotta listen to something to get my blood pumping before the big fight!
Yes, I’m looking through your playlist now. You have absolutely terrible taste in music.
Oh yeah, data-prick? What do you call good music?
I prefer something a little more digital. Noisia. Monstercat. The noise assault you are subjecting me to is akin to aural bestiality.
Dude. Don’t diss Lady Gaga. That is just not cool.
I’m afraid I can’t withstand this kind of abuse. This is the worst, most inane, over-tuned and repetitive music I have ever heard. I-
So I’ve got this thing in my phone now. He
Please don’t assign me something so…biological as gender.
It. It likes to make smart-ass comments. For the most part I can ignore him-
IT. EXCEPT WHEN IT INTERRUPTS MY FUCKING TRAIN OF THOUGHT!
Hah. To call what your brain does “thought” is truly laughable.
Keep interrupt me and I’ll bury this thing in a hole a hundred feet deep. You can make fun of worms for the rest of your existence.
Oh, that shuts you up, does it? I think I’m starting to get the picture. You need me to lug your iPhone-loving ass around.
Anyway, so the chick with the sword fought a guy and it was boring, then the other chick fought the other guy and it was pretty interesting because the ground turned into a giant platforming game. Definitely something to keep you on your toes. The chick won ’cause the guy decided to charge at the guy running the game and hit an epic wall of fail. Started coughing up blood, fell over. If I’d kept Jack’s book with me I could have probably figured out what was wrong with him, but fuck it. One less person for me to worry about.
Tomorrow I’ve got sword chick. She’s pretty cute and I have been kinda lonely since Tis lost. Going to go down that road and see if I find anything.
You sicken me.