ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE RED JOKER ON BEHALF OF FROG SORENSON

It turns out, there’s no return policy at those shops. So I didn’t have any points left to buy anything useful. Like a fucking gun.

Meanwhile, the chick is armed with a rifle and a horse and a grenade launcher. And the arena’s changed again into these concentric floating ring things.

Dodging propelled grenades fucking sucks. I saw the plume of smoke and the egg-shaped thing soaring in the air at me. Shit, can’t keep watching the thing, have to run out of blast range. The shock wave threw me off my tail and sharp bits of rock peppered my back. I had to pull some freaky snake maneuvers just to keep from getting blown over the edge of the ring.

Unless she’d been smart enough to buy more grenades, that meant two more were left. We were at opposite ends of the largest ring, with the shortest route being right through the middle. I shifted to legs and jumped to the middle ring while she was reloading. Then back to the tail for the extra speed so I could dive for cover behind a random concrete block. Legs again and jumping to the middle and tail again.

The third one hit too close; the shock wave threw me over the edge. I just barely managed to grab hold, claws digging groves into the stone. Thank the Mother for my new strength and claws. Old scrawney, nerdy me would have fallen over the edge just like that sword girl. Heh. That look of surprise she had before I walked away sure was priceless.

I pulled myself back onto the middle ring and heard a “Hee-ya!” Shit, she was on the move. Then I heard a snap and the rocks near me jumped up and bit into my face. As if this wasn’t hard enough, now she was firing at me while riding around on that stupid horse. I couldn’t see the bullets like I could the grenades. Now I just had to zig-zag after her and hope for the best.

I shifted to legs again to jump for the second circle and right in mid-leap she fired. The bullet caught my thigh, tearing through the muscle. I tried to shift to my tail, but the pain made me drop to my knees. She fired again, this time just grazing my bicep. Legs it would have to be, then. This meant that I would be slower than I liked and I wouldn’t be able to just strangle her like I did the motorcycle guy. Damn, doesn’t life just suck sometimes?

Finally I got close enough to jump for her. The horse spooked, rearing up and aiming what looked like razor-sharp hooves at me. Seriously, what kind of fucked up horse was this? I dodged and grabbed for the chick before she could bring her rifle around.

Instead, she grabbed the knife. Smart, that, but I was already all up in her business, digging my claws into her ribcage so I could feast on her heart like I did so many times before. Except I forgot that all those times I had Tis helping hold them down. No Tis this time, so there was nothing keeping her from driving that knife into my throat. I staggered back…. falling off the edge of the ring and onto the next one.

I’m choking on my own blood. My vision’s going gray and I don’t know if I’ll drown or bleed out first. Hopefully I got her bad enough first that she’ll die before I do. A win’s a win.

A NOTE FROM THE RED JOKER:

BOTH COMPETITORS HAVE LAPSED INTO A COMATOSE STATE, AFTER REMAINING CONSCIOUS LONG ENOUGH TO UPDATE THEIR BLOGS.

THE ONE WHO DIES LAST WILL BE PROCLAIMED THE VICTOR. HEARTS ARE STANDING BY FOR EMERGENCY MEDICAL ASSISTANCE.

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About Frog Sorenson

Pre-med student, trying to keep up with everyone else. View all posts by Frog Sorenson

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