Author Archives: Debbie Doehrs

About Debbie Doehrs

MMA fighter, no titles yet, crossing my fingers!

THE BLACK JOKER ON BEHALF OF DEBBIE DOEHRS

STATUS: TERMINATED
VICTOR: TISIPHONE
POINTS AWARDED: 99
BONUS POINTS FOR TERMINATION WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE


Where are you, Frog?

Siph forgot one of her mirrors when she was packing up today.  I picked it up to give to her and something strange happened…  I saw a woman.

Shut up, Frog, I know what you’re thinking.  It wasn’t me, okay?  It looked like me but it wasn’t me, she had scales shining on her cheeks and weird eyes.

I dropped the mirror on the ground.  When I picked it up again, it was just me.  I thought I saw a shadow behind my reflection, but when I turned around, it was just a cloud.

“Thank goodness I didn’t break it!”  I told Siph.  She said it was pretty durable.  I still feel bad, though.  I used the last of my points to buy us both breakfast and we went looking for you, Frog.

I found the Hearts like you said, and they said you had left already!  Where did you go?  I looked all around here, but I didn’t see anything.

Siph left another mirror behind when she went to go wash up at a bathroom.  The wind whispering in the trees is really creeping me out.

I don’t want to be here any more.  I want to go home.


Siph says I shouldn’t trust you, Mr. Smith.

And I kind of think she’s right.  I mean, you have good advice and all, and I appreciate that you want to help, but I shouldn’t ignore someone who needs help just because they’re a little bit mean.  She sounds like she was bullied really badly and I think she just needs someone to be her friend.  I was bullied in school, but I had a friend who took me to her kickboxing classes, and now I have a lot of friends in the MMA fighting ring at school.  I wouldn’t even know Frog if I hadn’t, I met him when he was trying to pick up some featherweight fighters.  It was me who took him to the school clinic when Katy knocked a couple of teeth loose.  😀

(So remember that, Frog, the next time you try and talk about my personal business!  I have soooooo many stories to tell about you!  I could even tell everyone the frog story!)

Plus, you’re talking about this woman from the future, and Ambrose Bierce?  I know I’m not too smart, Mr. Smith, but I did research like you asked, and I know that Ambrose Bierce is some guy who lived like 100 years ago.  So why is some dude from the past and some lady from the future playing this game when everyone else is from right here and now?

You are very helpful, Mr. Smith, and I really am grateful, but you’re not in our shoes.  Even if Siph isn’t the nicest person in the world, we still need to help each other get out of here.

Siph is waking up now, we had to take shifts sleeping to keep each other safe.  Now we’re going to head to the buildings that Frog was talking about.  Hopefully I’ll be able to find you there, Frog.


Mr. Smith, thank you!

You’re right, it was self-defense.  I just feel bad because I wasn’t able to stop before I hurt him.

But!

I found another person who thinks your teaming-up idea is just brilliant!  Her name’s Siph, and she got dragged in on her way to school.

There’s some buildings that look kind of like what you were talking about.  I think I should be there sometime tomorrow.  In the mean time, Frog, you should check to see if you can find any other blogs out there!  We can meet up with more people!

I’m pretty sure Siph has a blog, but I haven’t asked her about it yet.  I mean, I’d just be reading about the same stuff that’s already happened to me.  That seems like a waste of time when I could be figuring out how to get food.  Right now we’re in a little “town” of these chess piece buildings.  Most of them are those castle tower looking ones.

Siph and I went from door to door trying to find a place where we could eat.  Frog, you said the card-mask folks with the hearts are doctors or something?  I think the club guys are shopkeepers.  The guy we talked to said that I had 92 points, on account of how the Game Master liked my “unreasoning viciousness.”  I wasn’t very hungry after that, so I just bought some gatorade and a power bar.

I taped up my hands and put on my shin guards.  I feel a little silly walking around with that stuff on, but if I have to defend myself again, I don’t want to break any bones.


I just…. I just killed a guy.

He- He came up out of nowhere, screaming and waving a bat.  I wasn’t trying to, I swear, he swung at me and missed and I hit him full-on in the ribs.

Three times.  I didn’t stop after the first blow, even though i felt his ribs give in.  He fell back, and I followed up with a kick to the nads.  Then he went down and I started kicking.

I just couldn’t stop kicking him.  His face was turning blue and he was gasping for air and I was just so angry that he’d came after me!  Who the hell did he think he was?  A freaking bat?  Are you freaking kidding me?  He could have hurt someone!

Then the haze faded and he was just a bloody mess lying there at my feet.

There’s blood on my sneakers.  Breathe, Debbie.  Breathe.  In….  Out….  In…. Out….

The bat fit in my gym bag, but just barely.

I don’t think there’s a pony picture that can fix this.  😦


Checkerboard

So the last you heard from me, Frog was talking about how I cut my wrists.  Well, ignore him. I cut before because I- I don’t have to explain to you.  No one reads this thing anyway.

Yesterday I wanted to see what would happen for the book.  Why did I let Frog do all that?  My pain tolerance is higher than his.  The kid’s a fucking pansy is what he is.  No tolerance for pain.  Like at all.  You even think about holding a match to his skin and he cries uncle.

Wuss.

Well, anyway, yeah I was under hospital surveillance for a few hours.  But I convinced them the past episode was over and I was ready for real life.  Then….

Then the hallucinations started.

The chessboard can’t be real.  It just can’t.

And the bat?  Come the freak on.

….it isn’t real.

It can’t be.

There’s a netbook in my gym bag.  A netbook I don’t remember buying.  And an account.  Under my email.  With my standard password.

No.

Do you hear me?!

NO!

Fuck.

Who’s even listening anyway?

From what I can tell, Frog is here too.  I can try to touch base with him.
Please let Frog be safe.  Please!.


Don’t listen to Frog, guys.

Seriously.  It’s just a yeast infection.  The Book told me to buy some yogurt and put a clove of garlic up my…. hoo-ha.  I am herpes-free.

Oh god, Frog, I am going to kill you ten times over.

Any potential boyfriends, don’t listen to Frog.  The guy is named Frog, after all.  You can’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth!